(a recently discovered Biblical Fragment, unaccountably dropped from the final version of the Authorized Translation of the Holy Bible.)

1.     And there came unto him a great multitude, and they spake unto him, saying,

2.    Lord, the people's hair are perplexed, even as the straws that lie on the threshing ground, for they are twisted, and knotted into tangles.

3.    And Jesus said, Let them bring unto me from the wilderness a Twig.

4.    And the multitude was filled with doubts, and they murmured among themselves, saying,

5.    Verily this is foolish, and this Jesus is but a false prophet. For to such perplexity, what availeth a twig?

6.    Meanwhile some went, and fetched a twig, and brought it unto Jesus.

7.    And Jesus took the twig, and said, Verily, this twig, which you have fetched unto me, is a good twig, and my Father in Heaven is greatly pleased, for that you have fetched this twig unto me.

8.    Then took he the megaphone, and spake into it, and the multitude were silent, and harkened unto him, for his voice was mighty in the megaphone.

9.    And he said unto them, Take ye this twig, one after another, each in turn, and pass it gently through your hair.

10.    And Behold, they did so, and the twig became a Comb, with unbreakable but gentle teeth, and the people passed the comb through their hair, one after another, each in turn.

11.    And their hair was untangled, and the knots loosed therefrom.

12.    And their hair was neatly parted, each according to his political affiliations and gender commitments, some to one side, some to the other, yeah, and verily, some were parted in the middle.

13.    And when all had untangled their hair, even to the last knot, they marvelled and said,

14.    Jesus, what a nice comb.

15.    And the Lord Jesus said, Yea, and verily I say unto you, there are many twigs in the Garden of my Father,
and whosoever believeth in me, he shall dwell in my Father's Garden, and his hair shall be neatly combed even to eternity, and in it shall be no knots, neither shall his hair be tangled.

16.    And the multitude dispersed, and to whomsoever they did meet, they recounted what had come to pass, saying,

17.    Behold my hair, how it is combed, nor hath it in it the least knot, neither is it tangled.

18.    And all did marvel greatly that heard it.

19.    And the glory of Jesus Christ grew mightily among the Gentiles.

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